I don't know why, but I have this sudden fear that I will die, one day, during my work. My life will just end within a blink of an eye. It would be so instantaneous that I would have zero chance of saying goodbye to my dearest ones. I'm so afraid that I will just die and disappear from their lives forever, as much as how they will be non-existent to me.
Baby, I can't put it into words how much I love you. I have never loved anyone so much in my life ever before, in a way I have never imagined. You're like the sun in my life, for everything would be dull without you. And because of you, I'm in the happiest state of my life, and I would be just contented to enjoy this bliss right now. How I wish we could spend every moment together, for I'll miss you even when we just bade each other goodbye. We talked about which one of us should die first, and I said I'd rather you go before me, as I may join you shortly after, lacking the will to live. And also because of the fear that you will move on after me, forgetting me. Bullshit. If I leave the world before you, please continue to be happy. I want you to be happy. All that I ask for, is to always have a place for me in your heart. A BIG one. I have to thank you for all that you have taught and given me. If not for you, I wouldn't be the person I am today (though we're not sure whether that's good or bad). I love you, this I have to say, for I may die tomorrow.
Daddy, Mommy and Jie. I was never nice to you. Rude, spoilt and wilful. Yet you still gave your love unconditionally. It doesn't seem so, but everyday, I am grateful that I have such family. Because of you, mommy and daddy, I was able to pursue whatever I wanted with a peace of mind. Because you are always there for me. And my sister, perhaps you will never know, but it always breaks my heart to see you lying there, suffering in the heat, having rashes or fever or whatever discomfort you'll be having. I love you all. I thank God that he/she brought me to this family. My dear friends, if I really disappear from the surface of the earth one day, please, help me tell this to my parents. Thank you.
To my dearest friends, especially Golden friends. I haven't been around for you all the time. Not when you needed me, not when you feel like seeing me. I'm so sorry that I'm not there for all of you. Though I'm lazy at returning msgs or calls, do not think that I don't care about you guys at all. For I hold all of you dear to my heart. If you hear from me from time to time, or we do meet up once in a while, you know who you are. My Golden friends, people who have been with me since my secondary school days till now. My dearest friends. It is my great honour to have you as my golden friends. Thank you for being friends with a person unworthy of your friendship. I will haunt you guys just to relive the good old times. Love you all.
my sentient self
ninnnnniee, dumb, but not tt dumb. fat + unpretty. Messed up + screwed up. Complainy + bitchy. One big lazy ass w a really big arse. :|