Whenever the TV features some families of similar plight as us, they would be parking in front of the TV with anticipation.
They have never put this whole family episode behind us, and get on with life. But I guess, as parents, they can never do it. And me, I can't escape the same fate.
Remember a piece of something that I blogged YEARS ago about handling pain? I philosophically came up with the sagely idea that there are only two ways to handle pain: face it or escape it.
And I used to advocate the former..thinking: only when you face the pain, then you can overcome it. Just let it hit you in the face again and again until you can look pain in the face and say, 'FUCK OFF.'
Seems like in the process of growing up, I don't practice what I preached. I escaped. I escape all the time. Time. I let time do all the work to diminish the pain. Seems like pain doesn't get the chance to hit me too hard at all...only when certain revelation and realisation hit on me, that's when pain will descend and kill me. At one shot. Point blank.
When something bad happens, when I get depressed, I realised everything in me is suppressed (please pardon the rhyme). Seems like I've always been focused on the solution to moving on rather than dealing with the emotion itself. Like 'Oh shit, there's a prob. Damn. Ok, what can I do about this?'. Realisation, curse, solve. That is the formula. That is Escapism.
Based on how I'm feeling right now, I guessed I've just proved to myself that I was so right many years ago.
my sentient self
ninnnnniee, dumb, but not tt dumb. fat + unpretty. Messed up + screwed up. Complainy + bitchy. One big lazy ass w a really big arse. :|