enormous responsibilities to shoulder,

many mistakes to make.

And I thought I finally finished my mountain of work to a zero-disturbance birthday holiday.

I thought i thought and i thought.

To all my very dear friends who go the distance to give me a happy birthday, I'm so sorry.

So far, I have spent my birthday sitting in my room crying, wondering why didn't I just die when I almost met a car accident just now.

I'm tired. Very tired.

Tired of coming home seeing my parents so exhausted. My heart aches really badly seeing how fast my dad has aged over the 2 years and how my mum's arm hurts when she does simple lifting to the extent she keeps cutting herself accidentally with the knife cuz she has to use the other arm.

I'm so tired of seeing my sister getting thinner everyday. So afraid she'll just die one day because the more I look at her, the more I love her, the more guilt i feel.

I'm tired of searching for support from Teddy, when most of the time he will try to toughen me up.

I'm tired of behaving as if everything is alright and keeping things to myself.

I'm tired of making him angry just because I do things from my point of view and we just get stuck there.

I'm tired of not making my point and having to explain over and over again and have him not believe what I say.

I'm tired of being afraid things will go very bad if I don't make any move.

I'm tired of putting up a strong front.

I'm just an ultimate weakling who's tired of acting strong.

Please DON'T comment on any of this. DON'T even try to encourage me or something. PLEASE, DON'T.

No, I won't die or suicide. I'm a weakling but not a coward.