I wrote this 3 yrs ago for my creative composition. Surprisingly, it's posted up on NY LEP website. (For those who're interested in e full essay: http://www.nanyangjc.org/homes/lep/documents/4thessays0203/geini_sining.htm) What's more impt is this paragraph that truly enlightened me:
对 不起，我不能以您渴望的方式去爱您。爱一个人有很多方式，只是您想要的，和我所表达的总是不一样。不是我不想让您安心，只是我做不到。我不是在给自己找借 口，只是我尝试过，但如果我就是做不到，我若强迫自己改变，我就不是我了。我希望能以我的方式来爱您。偶尔一个对您突然的拥抱、和您耍嘴皮子，是我对您表 现爱的方式。我知道您心里是喜欢的，但您嘴上仍骂我烦，我知道那永远比不上您想要的方式――认真向学，品学兼优。我不想让爱您变成是种虚伪讨好迎合您的动 作，我多么希望您能了解.
This was meant for my mom. But i realised it told me something.
Many times, we would hope and expect our bf/gf to love us the way we want them to. Whenever they don't, we'll get all frustrated and angry. In my case, hurt.
After reading this, it was like a slap on my face. He probably did try, but i just refused to accept it.
Sometimes, you simply know deep down you love that person. But somehow, u just can't do it e way he/she desires.
Time to grow up.
And darling bitch, I'm sorry.
my sentient self
ninnnnniee, dumb, but not tt dumb. fat + unpretty. Messed up + screwed up. Complainy + bitchy. One big lazy ass w a really big arse. :|