Picture taken on her 22nd birthday last year. She was standing up. Something we wanted so much now. At least she was conscious. See how my mom's smiling? i haven't seen that for a long time. And not anymore i guess.

We can't be this happy again.

Her last photo taken. Looking so unhappy. To think i played a big part in her unhappiness.

I came home from my boy's late at night, n my mum gave me this album. I did the thing that i worked vv hard not to do. I broke down in front of my parents. I cried really hard. Mom told me, "Cry out loud if u want. I've already cried my share the whole afternoon."

I have so much to say. But I dunno where to start. She probably has meningitis (nao mo yan) and has infection in urinary tract again. She's like a pin cushion now. Her hands swell wherever the IV point is, blood and water blisters on her arms, bed sores, and aching limbs. She's not speaking, not making any noise, not moving much. The only time u can hear her is when they are changing her, and she's in pain till she yelped.Pains me tons.

She's living in the dark (as in blind), constantly in fear. She dunno when she's being poked by the needle, or what people are gonna do to her. She can't do anything. Imagine it was you. Parents say she's living in hell. Hell yes. Mommy said, "I hope she'll just go." It's too much she can take, it's too much we can take.

We know she's gonna go. But we dunno when. And all these infections n needles are eating her life away. All these endless sufferings. Yet we can do nothing.

I dunno how long i can hang on. I'm more incompetent in handling all these as the situation goes. I don't wana talk about it so often, cuz it sounds like i'm constantly whining. But it just bugged me alot. I come home feeling so upset everytime i visit her.

It's not easy to get numb, because she's a big part in e family. And the absence of her presence get shoved in yr face all the time. To be honest, home aint a home anymore. It's just a place where i come home to sleep, and wake up to. Depresses me to be at home. I try to find happiness elsewhere. Enough whining.

I think this is the last time we'll probably see her doing this. Family no more. Happiness no more. Even if there is, there'll always be this tinge of sadness depressing it. But let's just pray there's one day we'll see her doing this again...