I was jogging and farting away at will. To my horror, I didn't realise an old man was sitting on one of the benches, smoking. While i was happily leaving a trail of 'free smells', he was sitting there all along, smelling and hearing my farts. Ha. I ain't embarassed, just find it real amusing. Poor guy taking in stale air from me.

So why am i openly rambling about farting? Am i not embarrased? Oh no, cuz I'm a human, I fart. Then that got me thinking while brisk-walking. So i came up with an idea or theory, whatever u call it.

When guys see women who are real hot and pretty, did it ever occur to them that those attractive women fart too? oK, not just guys, but girls too. Did it ever occur to you that Tyra Banks, Jaclyn Tay, Eva Longoria (tt hot Despo housewife whom guys including my boy drool abt), n tt new Triumph ad girl (e one in flourescent bra! woo!) FARTS? Surely they have their fair share of diarrhoea too! Does it ever occur to u tt they are the culprits of foul smelling toilets?

Well, u see, we seldom associate such unglam things to beautiful pple. Take for example:

(a) In a lift, there's me, Nicole Kidman and an ordinary guy. Nicole Kidman farts. And i can confirm w u that there's 95% probability tt the guy thought it was ME who farted. Why? Cuz Nidcole Kidman doesn't fart! Beautiful pple just don't do things like farting!

(b) BUT, put Brad Pitt in the lift instead of me. Kidman farts. This time, e guy might eventually thought he himself accidentally farted w/o him knowing as it seemed impossible that Nicole Kidman and Brad Pitt actually farts~ Well, if someone has to be e culprit, then he'll think it's Pitt. Why? Cuz Nicole Kidman is beautiful, and she's a lady, and SHE CAN'T POSSIBLY FART!

(c) Substitute Pitt with Fiona Xie. Kidman farts. Guy may thk he farted accidentally again. If he duzen, he'll thk it's Fiona. Why? cuz Kidman is prettier, is more glammy, blah blah (u pple noe, i don't haf to really compare further...)

But this is under the assumption tt the guy is nuts abt Kidman, or thk shez e better of e 2. If he fancies Fiona then e result wuld be e other way rnd!

From those examples i came up with something. Here're my theories:

1. The more attractive u are, the least likely u fart.

2. Between a male and a female, the female is usually less associated with farting. Only when she's equally or more attractive than e guy. If it's me in e lift w Pitt, e guy will surely thk itz me farting.

P.S: This duzen really work on me, cuz my guy farts like MAD. When i smell foul stuff, no matter who's arnd (even if an Ah Peh, who looks suspiciously guilty, is nearby), i'll accuse Ted with ZERO hesitation.

3. Example 3 further emphasized theory 1. To add on, association of farting to the object of interest depends on the level of affection and your personal judgement of beauty. In other words, results vary depending on personal tastes.

To all idiots out there: EVERYONE FARTS. Yes, everyone, including your sex goddess or sexual fantasy or idol or whatever. Lim Chi Ling farts! Surprise surprise!