2.13.2005

I had a weird dream again. Dreamt that we're all grown ups. We're in a vv nice place. Mr Mak is in charge of us. I think we're a group of researchers. He gave us an offer -- We have to go to a place which is experiencing war, to help in some research to save lives. We will get lots of money and a guaranteed place in the army with high position. Meaning we will never lose our jobs, and will enjoy abundance of money and honour. The only price is to risk our lives. We may die. We can choose whether we wana go.

I wanted to go. But after thinking about my parents, I changed my mind. I can't leave them. I'm the only one they have. I think my sister passed away then (choy!). So i stayed. And the rest went.

Now, in most decisions I make, I gotta take my parents into consideration. My mom kept telling me I'm the only one they have now. She told me all the pressure is on me. They're pinning all their hopes on me. I gotta to be even better than I was. I gotta be successful in every aspect. Even marriage. I guess that's how my life's gonna be. Sigh.

Kept having weird dreams. They make me lose sleep.

By the way, my sister can speak a little now. Her 精神 is getting better day by day. Few days ago, she can't open a 旺旺, today, she did it. She asked my dad, "好吗？", etc. Her words ain't clear but it's better than nuthin. Waiting for her to recover as before to get treatment for her cancer. I'm waiting. Waiting for her to come home to us.

ninnnnniee bitChed madly at 2:00 AM