Pple, i'm suffering from super low self-esteem and zero confidence. I feel very ugly. I look so awfully haggard, and much older than my age. I'm really too round at the bottom. The shit thing is, i look older than teddy. It's not tt i'm against 姐弟恋, but i'm against it when it happens to me. He;s good looking and with e built, and i'm like ugly OLD hag, with big ass n thunderthighs w load full of cellulite and marks. I know he don't mind. But i mind alot. I mind that i look bad. My eyes are dull and ugly. My face dull too. I need something to boost my morale. I don't want encouragements to be fake and i don't want u pple to 敷衍 me. I need someone to talk some sense outta me.

Think i need to sleep well, drink alot of water, eat the right stuff (like? someone help!), and excercise, and what else? What do i need to do to improve my appearance? Oh, and my dressing...GAWD...i dress like an oLd hag! hmm...maby invest in some products? (wait till my parents allow me to work)...Gimme advices pls!

I know it's rather vain of me. I dunno, i'm like in some kinda psychotic trance tt i think everything about me aint good enough. Maby the secret to looking good is to feel good? Hmm...typin this makes me get into the mood of doing my work.

Anw, Teddy got approached by this modelling agency on the streets i think. They asked him to go for an interview this weekend. I'm happy, yet i'm not. It's rather selfish of me to be like that. I think he's getting pretty goodlooking. And i'm like 走下坡. Haha. I don't know, naturally will feel that i配不起 him, that i'm not good enough for him. Hahaha...no matter how he assures me, i still somehow feel like that, much to his chagrin. He offered not to go for the interview. Of course i said no! He should go! I somehow felt like he wants it. And who am i to take this away from him? All the way teddy!

To make me a happy girl, to make teddy a happy boyfriend (and model maby?), I wana feel good! I must try to switch my perspectives. I think i'll feel like that probably cuz' i nv like to be ordinary. I nv like to blend in. And maybe i'm very used to all the compliments i get when i'm young. I think my hair needs a trim...I'm tryin to keep it long to see how it looks (partly cuz ted likes those long curly hair)...I do miss my short hair days...i feel spunky w em...but it's sorta boyish n auntish at e same time..ahhh...whatever...let's not think abt it! So pple, GIMME COMMENTS AND ADVICES! I wana get over w this crap man...